Navigating Anger After Miscarriage
Miscarriage isn’t just a loss, it’s a shattering of everything you hoped for. It cracks open your plans, your dreams, your future, and your sense of self. Grief walks in, but it doesn’t come alone. Sometimes, anger pushes through the door loud, creating a sense of confusion. And that anger? It’s real. It deserves space. It needs to be seen.
The Anger No One Talks About
After my miscarriage, people expected sadness. I expected sadness. But what caught me off guard was the rage. I was angry at my body. Angry at the universe. Angry at my doctors. Angry at the way people whispered, “everything happens for a reason.” And underneath it all, I was angry that I couldn’t stop feeling angry. No one warns you that grief can feel like rage instead of tears.
Who or What Are We Mad At?
You might find yourself angry at:
Your body – for “failing” you (even though it did not).
Medical providers – for missing something, or for being too clinical.
Friends and Family – for saying the wrong thing.
Other pregnant people – for having it “easy,” even though we don't know their journey.
Your partner – for grieving differently, or not enough.
Yourself – for being angry in the first place.
This is normal and it is okay. Anger is a protector and it is there to protect a vulnerable part of us. It flares up when something precious has been lost, when something feels hurtful, unjust, or when we feel helpless and scared. It is the way your mind and body scream “This was not meant to happen.”
How Do We Process Anger?
Letting it be what it is: Stop trying to shove the anger away. Let it exist without judging it. Sit with it. Acknowledge how it feels in your body.
Naming it: Saying “I am angry” out loud to a friend, family member, or a therapist. Giving it a name can help release the weight and make you feel a little lighter.
Writing letters: To your body. To those dreams. To those parts of you that feel lost.
Moving your body: Take a walk, stretch, or try out a workout class. Let the anger move through you physically—it helps regulate what feels too big to hold.
Finding others who get it: Support group, online spaces or honest conversations with someone who’s been there can make a real difference in helping you feel less alone.
If you are angry after miscarriage, you are not broken, you are grieving. Grief has many faces. Yours might look like rage before it becomes quiet. Let it be. Let it speak. Anger is a part of that love you lost too. You are not alone.